Giving myself up

It's really incredible how we give ourselves up for one another. The Scriptures tell us to build one another up and edify each other and I'm learning that although it is incredibly hard to do, it really is an amazingly wonderful thing. I say this the day after giving up my career in order to stay home to raise our precious daughter. How better to do that than to die to myself, right? My husband has often told me that his primary job is to give himself up for me. For the longest time I've just thought, "How sweet of him for working so hard to follow the Scriptures." I'm realizing though that I'm also to give myself up for him as well. Not only that, I'm to give myself up for my daughter. Now I know that the Scriptures don't blatantly say that for mother's but isn't that what we were made to do? The Bible says were created to be a helpmate to our husbands. What better way to help them than to raise their children? I have to be honest, I have struggled very much with this... The part where I have to give myself up for my family. The truth is, I want it all - I want the wonderful and amazing career with the prestige and wealth. I want the nice house and car (and whatever else I want to buy). But I want to be home with my daughter and be the primary influence in her life and show her what a godly wife and mother looks like. I want my husband to be the breadwinner but I don't want to quit my job. I want to live closer to family but I want to stay in Portland. I'm quickly coming to the realization that I can't have it all and I need to be satisfied with that. As Paul said, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation...". The secret is Christ. Oh how I long for the day I can honestly make that same statement. For now though, I will continue to pray that God give me the strength I need to press on, the wisdom I need to make the right choices, and the courage I need to follow those choices through. May I always have a thankful heart and appreciate both where I have been and where I am going and may I love my family with the same love that Christ has for me.

Sweet Nights

I am so in love with my daughter. I am continually amazed that she is mine every time I look at her. I'm sitting in my bed right now with her gently laying on my lap on top of her Boppy pillow - it's her favorite place in the whole world. I usually spend my nights with her curled up on me, her head gently resting on my arm. Even on the nights I am truly exhausted I don't mind cuddling her while I rock her back to sleep because I know these days are only but a moments breath. I look at her little fingers and toes, they are so tiny and adorable, I just want to pause each moment forever. I often wonder to myself how God must feel towards me, since these are the feelings I have as a mother and a human, and I am even more in awe of who He is and how He loves each one of us. I find myself lost in so many moments with my family, each of which I cherish with every breath that I have in me. I know that tonight as I lay down to get some rest, I will be awakened to the quiet cries of my sweet baby girl as she lets me know that she is once again ready to be fed or just wants to be snuggled close. I often hear others say how children become spoiled when their parents respond to their every request and I am once again reminded of the way our Father responds to us, with gentleness and haste. I ask myself if I am spoiled by God's love for me. I'd like to think that I am, after all, that's where my security comes from. I continue to be needy and He continues to respond quickly, every single time. I am reminded of the sweet verse of Jeremiah 33:3 that tells us to call to Him and He will answer us. It all starts to make sense about my deep love for Emma. I have Him as my example. So tonight, I will rest until my child calls to me and when she does, I will answer her.